Phases and Cycles

It's still grey and rainy here. Yesterday afternoon we had a brief reprieve with sunny skies. It's not that I don't love the rain; I do. It just makes me feel like curling up with a good book (or a honey who's read one!). And I don't feel like I have time to do that.

Hmmm... is that a hidden "should" in there? Does that translate into "I SHOULD be doing something else"? Probably. Yes, I'm sure it is. I found myself "shoulding" about my teens yesterday. Next to myself, I'm probably most judgemental of them. Heavy burden for all of us!

So today is Day 6 in the 37Day challenge to change just one thing in your life. I thought I was doing well... (I'm not going to say I should be doing well...). But we sure have a lot of ways to disguise a word and the sentiment behind it.

A few times, I've wrestled with "should" and had to stop and wonder why I couldn't say, "I want to do this" or "I don't want to do this" instead of "I should...". This is usually when I need to run errands, run kids to appointments, etc. "Should" is really easy with kids: I should be a better mother, I should have more fun with my kids, I should be more patient with my kids. I've been reading Christiane Northrup's "Wisdom of Menopause", which is a great resource for both scientific and intuitive insights into "the change"... and change it is! Northrup states that when a woman enters menopause (I'm 55 and still -- occasionally -- having my cycle), her brain literally rewires itself from primarily nurturing others (the Mother mode) to focusing on herself and her desires. So even though I still have teens at home (I was 40 when we adopted our kids), my rewiring has shifted already.

Most of my artwork is about the Feminine. Mother Nature. The three stages of Woman (Maiden, Mother, Crone). The Goddess. The Moon.

From a cycle standpoint, I know I am on the cusp between Mother and Crone. If I look at the Moon Phases as a symbol, I am at the gibbous waning moon phase. Gibbous means convex on both sides. Full, but not completely full. The Full moon represents the Mother in all her pregnant and nurturing glory. This is typically during the 2os and 30s and 40s. And while we have many more women choosing to begin motherhood in their 40s, I have learned that when you have a daughter at 40, then she and you end up going through hormonal changes at the same time: her going into her menses, the mother finishing it. That can make for some intense times (especially when you're both Fire signs)!

I treasure the Feminine. I have learned how strong the Feminine is. I feel outraged whenever I hear anyone put down the strength of women. I read a great quote the other day: "We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." (Laura Stavoe Harm). Whether it is observing women of courage, whether it's canning tomatoes, whether it's reading about women in history, I am a full-fledged fan of the Feminine.

And sometimes I want to celebrate the Feminine all by myself.

I just sneaked a peek at Patti's 37Day blog, and today is Day 7 (which day did I miss?!? What else am I missing?) and she writes about being selfish, doing things for ourselves. Interesting that I just flipped to that as I was going on about "shoulding" myself about the kids.

So now, I am going to curl up and read a good book. Maybe even take a nap. After I pick up Paige from school. Because I really want to.

I hope you indulge in some "self" time today of celebrating the Feminine!

Peace,

Kate

Changes

This has been the second night of this full moon. I woke at 4:44am (since I'd fallen asleep at 8:30pm!) and decided to get up and write. As I let Indiana (our 2 year young dog) outside, I looked up and saw the moon softly shining through a heavy misty sky... it was like she was gently reverberating through the atmosphere. Exquisite.

This is the first full moon in Aries; some say this marks the beginning of the astrological year. All I know is that the Moon is rising when spring is surprising and delighting us at every turn. And with spring comes growth and transformation of major proportions!

Many of my friends (not to mention many of everyone's friends) are experiencing major transformation nowadays. These shifts and changes are mostly brought on by our current bleak economic conditions and outlook.

For the past 6 years, I was the executive director of our local non-profit mediation center. I loved promoting peaceful conversations in our community. I loved telling people what mediation entails, whether individually or to groups or via a monthly newspaper column. I loved representing an organization that walked the talk (and helped me to learn and strive to be more peaceable) and who taught others (youth and adults; neighbors, businesses, and families) the skills of respectful conversation and dialogue.

At the beginning of our fiscal year (July 1), we had 4 full-time and 4 part-time employees as well as numerous contractors providing services. By October 1, the officers of the board of directors had eliminated 2 full-time positions vacated through attrition. And on January 29, my position was eliminated. While it was sad to leave, it wasn't really surprising; I'd been suffering in many ways through the last six months of doom and gloom.

I had also been longing for a way to have the time and energy to create art. I felt a tension inside of me between earning a living and expressing my creative self. This internal conflict felt physical to me -- like a taffy pull in my upper chest -- and had been growing for about a year.

It really rose to a conscious level in June when I took a 2-week tour of sacred sites in southern England. Next to marrying Andrew, this was the best thing I'd done for myself in decades! The group was small (6 other women) and we traveled through England in a 12-passenger van (driven by yours truly. Am I The Woman, or what? Not a nick or a scratch in 12 days and 1500 miles! And you should have seen the narrow brick gate we had to drive through at a 45 degree angle outside of Marlboro each night for a week! Sometimes, back in NC, I still want to drive on the left side of the road; but I refrain. Folks just wouldn't understand.). When I first learned of the trip, I knew I needed to go; that was in December 2007. I flew over a couple of days before the group was to meet at Gatwick airport so that I could visit Bath. Together, our group visited The Shell Temple in Margate on the east coast; Stonehenge, Salisbury Cathedral, Avebury, Glastonbury, and crop circles (!) in the center of southern England; and Tintagel, St. Nectan's Glen, and The Eden Project in Cornwall. We stayed in lovely B&Bs throughout as well as at a beautiful thatched roof cottage (built in 1670!) outside of Marlboro. It was a lovely adventure.

When I first started thinking about this upcoming pilgrimage, a vision of Stonehenge would rise in my mind's eye and I would see the spaces between the sarcens (standing stones) as a doorway of some kind for me. And indeed they were. And while all the places we visited and saw had their effects on me, the crop circles had the greatest effect. More details about them another time. Suffice it to say that I purchased a 2008 crop circle calendar to bring home with me to remind me of the power of those natural works of art, and when I hung it in my office upon my return, I saw that the photograph for June was of a complex doorway. Perfect. I just had to smile. (This circle is at the top of this entry, like a moon.) If you are interested in crop circles, check out the Crop Circle Connector http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/.

I believe that doorway has led me to this spring's growth and transformation. Losing one's livelihood and job identity is a major shift. I have chosen to look at my change as a positive one, an opportunity to manifest what I have been desiring for so long: to create an art-filled life as a way to feed my soul as well as my family. So instead of looking for a full-time "blanket" job, I am planting seeds to create a "crazy quilt": creating and selling my art as well as teaching and writing. I am excited about this opportunity. Another lesson in "be careful what you wish for; you WILL get it"! And a lesson in the Universe provides in perfect timing.

Understand, please, that I wouldn't have been able to make this transition as easily without my husband Andrew's support (monetarily through his working as well as emotionally) as well as the support of my family and friends. Thank you all for your love and encouragement! Our son Allen (18 years young today!) immediately said, "Mom, you can have my paycheck to help make ends meet." And he and Paige both immediately came to me and gave me huge hugs of support. Kathryn came over to lend me a shoulder and important practical considerations. Even more comforting was Andrew's hugs that evening when he came home. There's nothing like family, eh? And I count my friends -- and sistahs -- in that group, too.

So planting the amaryllis bulb on Imbolc (Nature's holyday celebrating the first stirring of seeds underground) was an important symbolic ritual for me to perform. I have lots of seeds to plant in order to follow my desires. Perhaps that's one reason that I'm so wondrous of the growth of the bulb!

Wishing you and yours positive changes and powerful growth under this full moon.

Peace,

Kate